188.

I prefer you in the moments
where you are not paying attention.
When you laugh too strongly
and the lines of your eyes emerge.
When you catch me listening
and it startles you.

Sometimes I wait for you
to become an animal
and run. You are used to people
watching and touching.
Not listening.

You would prefer that I not see
things. Keep it simple,
remain inaccessible.
I would have preferred that you didn't
see me either, but
accidents happen.

When it is winter,
I think of my stepfather,
and his bloodstained clothes
that were brought home to us
in a plastic bag.

I treat everyone as though
they are already a ghost.
So when you worry
about getting close to me:
don't.