It's all very strange. Sometimes I love you so hard that I want to throw up. Sometimes I love you so hard that it feels wonderful, tingles all over my body, happiness shot straight through each organ, and that's me loving you even though you're not here anymore. Imagine that. Imagine the joy I feel loving you now, when it doesn't matter, when you aren't around to feel it from me, and imagine how much greater that joy was when you were.
Yet. The absence takes something away. The ache is equal to the joy. Sometimes they exist simultaneously, sometimes one needs to sleep for a little while, and the other is the only one I hear. It is not easy. I am not waiting for anything. It is possible that I may love you for the rest of my life. It is up to me to make peace with that. In the same way one is forced to make peace with their front porch being set on fire each morning, at the same time they have some place to be. Leap, extinguish, take the back door, the window. The day cannot stop.
No comments:
Post a Comment