A: There is a bruise on my thigh in the shape of your hand
and I haven’t seen you in months.
I slept last night, I think. I keep dreaming that I am sleeping
with you, but I am not sleeping with you
and I wake up in sweat and it is all very confusing.
I’m jealous of whoever is hearing the rings
of your laughter. I had exactly what I wanted. Exactly!
I had taken many things from it, but never for granted. Not that.
I am in the heartache now. Right in the middle, blood and dark
and ventricle walls screeching apart.
You say I always want more, but there is a difference
between “more” and “better.” I want this and you,
but the version of it where we’re kind to each other.
Where the wounds are clotting and every day is light
falling out of our mouths.
I want for this cascade to be a different color,
a different number. I want to live in a life
that is without your absence.
