146. Sun, sky, moon, stars.

I.

You were a poem
I could not keep writing,
each pen stroke a slice
to my fingertips.


II.

Loyalty, yes.
There's that.


III.

I am not an atheist
because I once dreamed
about my grandmother.
I was eleven and standing in the bathroom
brushing my teeth, she was crying,
and told me she was sorry.
The next day she was found
dead in her backyard
by my mother
who screamed so loudly,
we heard her next door,
across the peach and apple trees.


IV.

Nothing about this life
is what I expected.

145.

Please understand:
I am here
because it was
the only artery
I could find
that led away
from you.

144. The breath of the ocean.

come home
come home
come home.

143. On leaving you for the first time.

June.
Here, without being
romantic,
my things in boxes.

142.

I am the kettle
whistling into the dawn,
I am the flame
that falls from the stars.
I can move through the continent,
get lost at sea.
I can become
the strongest woman.
I can befriend
the red-tailed hawk
and the white-tailed deer,
borrow their wings and tails.
But with every extremity,
sound barrier, flare, and flash:
Still you, I can not
outrun.

141.

I had always said
that I would never leave a city
because of a man.
But the promise
of being able to step out
my front door
without smelling you
in the trees,
is the greatest gift
I could give to myself.

140.

A man was hit by a train
at the mouth of the tunnel
near work. I think I can feel his ghost,
before speeding into the yellowed dark.
On the way home,
another train was stopped for twenty minutes
while another man wouldn't stop frolicking
on the tracks.
Sadness for him, and a selfish
annoyance. I am sorry,
But I am not as good a person
as I once was.

What will you miss about me?
The way I can recognize a heron's silhouette
on the water at late dusk?
The mint in my hair?
The first time I saw you cry?

I worry that the track is still red,
that somebody wasn't able to scrub it clean.
That ghosts are real and the man
won't know how to leave.
That there's no light to leap into.
That you'll forget that my voice
once sang your name.